I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
