He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
