My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
