i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
