So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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