yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
