Taylor Swift is so right about you.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
