Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
