I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
