You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
