There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
