1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
