Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
