Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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