Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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