opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
