She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
