Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
