I hope mine doesn't look like that
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
