So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
