i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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