his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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