im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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