need another drink. this is the easiest way
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
