I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is my gift to your gina
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
