lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
