yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
