Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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