I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
