Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
