I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
