Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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