Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
