if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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