So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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