Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
