Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
