Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
