East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
