God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
