Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
