As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
