worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
