can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
