i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
