i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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