Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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