She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
