yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
