her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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