if i can run in heels then i can drive
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
