Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
