Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
