At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
