someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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