do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
