i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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