I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
