I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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