He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
